Last Hurrah...at Least for Now...

Since exacerbating my shoulder a few weeks ago as well as having my hip get worse I was doubting my ability to ever throw again and had decided not to go to the Flagstaff games. I was depressed, I was sad, I was in a deep state or grief, which I was trying to stuff and focus on "taking care" of myself. After sending a text to someone about the games being over "for good" for me while sitting in the parking lot about to go into work I started sobbing. How could this be? How could I give up on something I love so much, on the new-found family I have become a part of? Once I was able to pull myself together I decided that I had to at least attend the Flagstaff games to have my Last Hurrah. The intention wasn't to place, or to get any PR's; just to be able to have my farewell to the games if this would indeed be my Last Hurrah. 

Another hitch in the situation is that there is a whole lot of boozing that goes on at the games, and usually my wife is there to help buffer the situation for me. This time, I would have to go solo. I was nervous about my sobriety (although I've been sober 18 years, I've been having a difficult time emotionally for a while and I have to be honest and say that fantasy's of drinking away my emotions have been fluttering by, but that is another blog). I let my fears eat my guts for a while, then I finally got the brilliant idea to talk to people. I talked to my wife, I talked to other friends I knew would be there and would support me if I just asked them to. And by talking,the fears and "secrets" lost their hold over me. 

And you know what? I had a really great time. It was wonderful stepping on the field and becoming the Bacon Socks Girl with the Bug Eyes. I don't quite know what comes over me when I compete, but I am able to access a part of myself that I have never known before, and who I haven't quite figured out how else to access. I like this chick; she's quirky, she's out-going, and dare I say, maybe even a little confident? That is what I have to give up if I have to give up throwing...unless I can figure out how else to get that chick to come out in play. Let's hope I can keep her via the Games...I'm game to find her in other ways, but I'm hoping I get to keep her in this capacity. She's dreamy!