the level of hardness, the degree of difficulty
ebbs and flows.
but still, it is f'ing hard.
i am a deep pit of loneliness, trapped with a suffocating bail of sorrow.
until i really touch the sorrow, unwind it, live it, feel it, be it...
i cannot find my way out of this pit.
i am alone when i am alone...
i am more deeply alone when i am surrounded by friends.
each day i sink deeper...my shell gets harder.
some days i tell myself i will open up...
i will be vulnerable, i will connect.
but i don't...i just don't.
so, i sit in my sorrow pit.
i wrap myself in the loneliness...
because it is so much easier than sorrow.
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