The trigger

There have been many, especially this last year, but the one that has it's roots in deep at the moment, and is strangling me happens to be about he-who-must-not me named, and a certain audio tape that was released in which he brags about his sexual assault of women (And if you are in any way confused about what sexual assault is, here is the definition: Sexual assault is a sexual act in which a person is coerced or physically forced to engage against their will, or non-consensual sexual touching of a person. Sexual assault is a form of sexual violence, and it includes rape, groping, child sexual abuse, or the torture of the person in a sexual manner.)

I am not alone in having had this disturb my calm; this has shaken people across the globe...and yet, somehow, he got a pass. And for me, that pass is the most disturbing.

So, how does this happen? Perps dismiss and blame the victims, and some how, even women, even women who have victims, will roll over and say, "Oh yeah, SHE must be lying..HE wouldn't REALLY do something like that." Why is it so easy for people to believe that victims are making this shit up, and perps are really innocent (victims) of "false" accusations? Is it that so many people have committed sexual assault that the behavior really has become "normalized." Or is it just that the perps scream so loud, and so many times that they are right, and everyone else is wrong that we start to believe them in spite of evidence to the contrary? Is it that we so de-value women that even we women think that this behaviour is what we deserve some how? So far, the evidence points to all of the above.

Let me tell you my story. In grade school I was sexually assaulted repeatedly by a teenager. There was a female adult around who, although she didn't participate knew what was happening, and when I tried to escape would try to goad me into submitting. Said adult also was involved in gossiping around my small community about what was happening. From what I learned years later, many people were aware of some version of what was happening, but the general version of the story was that I, at 7, was trying to seduce him, a post-pubescent young man, and that he only did what he did to get me off his back. He didn't even ask for it, and he got a pass.

So here we are, 2017, my country, my community has decided that a self admitted sexual predator is innocent, so innocent in fact that he was handed the most powerful position in the world...and still when woman after woman comes forward and says, "this man has injured me", the general consensus is that the woman is wrong/lying/the predator, and the real predator is the victim. My community has sided with the perp...again.

What is it that we have to do to believed, to be protected, to be supported? Do we really have to be the ones to scream the loudest? Well, if that's the case, consider this my scream: I was innocent, I was injured, I in no way asked for what happened to me, it wasn't okay, and Mother Fucking Hell: SEXUAL ASSAULT IS 100% NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!