Advice to my younger self

 This evening I was on an "elder"  Zoom panel for the Transgender Resource Center of NM, and  our audience was trans teens from throughout NM. At one point we were asked what advice we would have for our younger selves. I spoke a bit about knowing your worth, and "screw the haters," but it wasn't until the call ended that I had more concrete thoughts about my advice to my younger self (and current younglings). 

1. Find your tribe. And know that your tribe doesn't have to be queer folk. For example, the Highland Games community is my Tribe. For many years early on, other queer folk were few and far between, but they remain my family, and some of my closest friends are my HG family. Even though I am a Pagan, my Christian brothers and sisters from COGS are some of my closest spiritual family, and again, queer folk are few and far between. And in this is the lesson that we are so much more than one thing; yes I'm a non-binary, butch lesbian, but I'm also an athlete, a judge, a spiritual person, a Gothi, a healer, and advocate, and artist, and so much more. And ALL of those parts of me are important.

2. It's ok to cut people out of your life who are mean, toxic, shaming, unsupportive, demeaning, etc. Even if they are family, even if they have been your best friend (for, like EVER!), and even if they are your therapist. You deserve to surround yourself with people who respect, love, and support you. If they can't do those things they don't deserve your time, or energy. Someone who says they love you while doing things that hurt you are a rot that must be removed before it spreads. I've been re-reading some old journals recently and noticing a pattern of family members saying really hurtful things to me, but I kept letting it go because 1. they were family, 2. I didn't feel like I deserved anything different. It's take a lot of therapy, and a lot of support from true friends, but I'm learning that I deserve better.

3. Queer folk throughout history, and throughout the world were revered as healers, priests/priestesses, and wisdom keepers. We exist in the liminal space, the Holy space of In-Between. We have gifts to bring to this world, we need to let our Light shine, and going back to number 2, we need to surround ourselves with people who don't try to stamp out our Light. Living your Truth, helps others to live in their own Truth, whatever that is.