sunday morning coming down

I'm trying to force myself to blog every day, just to get in the habit of writing every day...when I should just be making time to just write every day. My motivation needs a kick in the pants, my energy is being pulled in too many directions, and the fall weather has got the chronic pain kicked in to high gear-I think I need a spiritual/emotional high colonic.

meanderings of the half-awake

How do I create joy in my daily life? How do I create meaning in my daily life? I think the answer to the first question will, for the most part, answer the 2nd question. Yesterday I worked on having an awareness of creating joy while at work, and it certainly made my day much more pleasant. This will have to be an ongoing experiment.

I did have an external affirmation that I have been shifting my consciousness...a co-worker commented that during the day that I was gone she missed the positive energy I bring to the office. And that felt good...really good. The me of 20 years ago had no connection to "positive energy" that anyone, including myself would recognize.

I keep asking myself the question, "How long can I tolerate work that brings me down?" The answer the keeps coming is in the form of a book title, Man's Search for Meaning. It was written by a psychiatrist who survived the concentration camps-and it is my reminder that if I so choose, I can 'survive' quite some time, however, how long can I pull off the joy thing when surrounded by people who choose to embrace their suffering? I will work on surrounding myself with people who choose to embrace healing and wholeness. The world has had enough of suffering, as have I.

Gratitude

Last night I encouraged my group to do a daily gratitude list in order to start the day off in positive direction. So, I will follow my own advice, at least for today. I am grateful for my big comfortable bed, my loving wife, my silly pups, quiet mornings, mate tea, health insurance, spirituality, the opportunities I have been given (and have taken advantage of) to become a whole person, and supportive friends. I am also grateful for Maiden and the Crone metaphysical shop in Aztec-Eddie makes the trip I have to make up to the 4-corners for work worthwhile.

It is easy to see the things that aren't right in my life when that is my focus-when I change my focus to gratitude, the situations in my life are the same, but my perception of those situations changes. I create my own reality by my attitude...and for today I will focus on an attitude of gratitude.

thinking aloud

I have to travel to the far corner of the state today for my work, and I totally am not digging it. I've been trying, but obviously not very hard, to change my attitude about this drive, but it ain't working. It is physically taxing to make this drive on a good day, and I've been having some wicked hip pain that is exacerbated by sitting. Soooo, how do I make this trip tolerable? I do have some Pema Chodrin cds I could listen to on the way, as well as some cds on Shamanic topics, so I could at least use the 6 hours to my brain's advantage, if not my butt's. But the challenge on my plate is to find joy in every moment, so time to stop whining and start looking. Pardon me while I finish my cup of coffee, jump in the shower, and head off on my adventure!

Enjoying the stillness of the morning.

It is still dark out as I write-the pups are stretched out on the floor beside me waiting patiently for their breakfast. The world is at peace (at least the world around me), and I am at peace. I look forward to the mornings, to the time when I can meditate without interruption and slowly prepare for the day at hand. I wasn't a morning person until very recently in my life, but now it is a gift to be able to engage in the Stillness of the day. My mind is calm, my energy is calm-there is no need to rush, no demands to counter. I can just Be.

And for that, I am grateful.

Engagement

Hmmm, well don't have much to say at the moment, but I want to continue the habit of writing every day, so here I am. We have spent a long weekend out of town. It was nice to leave the computer, the telephone, and TV access at home. Too often I use the devices to disconnect from my life. They are a drug. (and yes, I am on the computer now, but only to do quick crack-book check, and a quick blog check in, then back to RL)

I've thought a lot about what I want to manifest in my life over these past couple of days of having no external distractions. One thing I know I need to work on in my life is reducing distractions. There are so many things/projects i would like to engage in, but there never seems to be enough time...but guess what? There always seems to be time to watch some stupid-ass tv show, or look up some asinine crap on the computer. So, my return home resolution is to spend more time actively engaged in life.

So, who wants to take fencing lessons with me?

Sometimes the journey includes a round-about

So, I've been working on the 'what next' question for some time. I have ideas, but struggle to really clarify the details. Something I was ruminating on this morning was my past life as a massage therapist. That has been one of the few careers I have enjoyed (besides teaching). I was forced out of that profession by wrist injuries, and like leaving teaching motorcycle safety, it was a huge source of grief. Interestingly, since letting go of the motorcycle safety, I can really feel the opening of my energy-like there is room for something else. Anyway, back to where I was going-during my career as a massage therapist, the energetic side of things was what really intrigued/fascinated me. I tried for a short time after I hurt myself to convert my practice strictly to energetic modalities, but my old clients wanted the old me. Part of my journey since then, has been learning who the new me is, and letting people who can handle and accept that new me come along for the journey, and parting ways with those who cannot. So, round about, here I am again, realizing that energetic healing is one of my passions-in the last few months I've had the opportunity to do some work on folks, and it seems as though the experiences for the people I worked on were profound for them as well as me. So the next step is figuring out how get this party started...AND FAST!