I'd rather be having a cinnamon roll

Last night as I was driving home from work I was thinking about why it is so hard to find a mate. For some reason I thought of my professor, Dr H. He has been married to his wife for some un-godly amount of time. Which lead me to think about all of the older (think 'white hair') couples who manage to stay together, forever and ever, amen. Now certainly, these folks grew up in a time where a) divorce was unacceptable, and b) during times when you really needed a 'family' to make it by (of course, in this instance I'm thinking more of the rural type dwellers, but it may still apply to the more urban folk)...and in particular I am also thinking of the folks who grew up during The Depression.

But those weren't the things I was really pondering upon. What I got my brain in a knot over was gender roles. Regardless of orientation, gender roles are whacked these days...I'm sure that was much more articulate yesterday. Anyway, I remember a time (and lets face it, I'm not THAT old) when men would hold the door for women. These days the men are racing to get in the door before anyone else including women and including their Elders. I also remember a time when men took their hats off when they entered a building, particularly someone's house. And, identifying more with the male gender role, I still do these things. I still do these things in a world where people don't do these things (with the exception of the Dr. H's out there), and it just makes me feel that much more like I am in a world where I just don't belong.

Things do get more complicated, because even though I am an old fashioned sort of gal, I'm certainly not looking for a little house-wife to stay at home and cook, and clean, and have babies. I want a gal who is independent, who wants to have her own life (autonomy), but I would also like to find a gal who still respects her Elders and thinks not only of herself, but also of her community.

I see all these personal ads for 'butch' girls or 'femme' girls. And I want to know who the hell is defining these things. The idea of 'butch' and 'femme' is as frakked up as Albuquerque driving. Everybody comes in with their own set of rules, and refused to adopt the generally accepted rules of engagement and so you have mass chaos; you never know what the hell anyone is going to do, what direction they are going to go in, because everybody is practicing their own set of rules. I am butch, am I femme, am I andro? Hell, I don't even know because there is no known agreement on these things. Hell, I'm just an ol' fashioned (displaced) cowboy looking for an ol' fashioned cowgirl...that's the only label I need.