relapse

I wasn't going to do it, but I did. I called my mother.

She had called me on my birthday and left a message (I was out of town), and then she called a couple of other times without leaving a message. Guilt got the better of me, and it felt less straining to just deal with whatever dysfunction she might present than wrestle with my guilt.

Happily, we had a decent conversation. The gist of which can be summed up with, "I am really happy mom...and I'm in love."

"That is so wonderful honey; if my baby is happy, I am happy." 'scuse me while I retch. It's great that I have a mother who wants to be somehow involved in my life, it's a shame she happens to smoother me in the process...and it's a shame she wasn't there for me when I needed her. oh well, what ya gonna do?