Sisters

I have two sisters. Half sisters. My oldest had moved across the country by the time I was one year old, and although my mom and I lived close to her during part of my junior year of high school, we were never really close. As she slipped further into racism, the little connection we maintained for the sake of family was severed. My other sister (K), who is also my closest sibling in age at 9 years older has been since some of my earliest memories a source of chaos and terror in my family. Her volitility made even the most dysfunctional of adults in the family seem stable. One minute she loved you, the next minute she was screaming that she was "GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!" She would laugh in perverted delight when she caused, or attempted to cause me injury (piercing my flesh with her fingernails to see if she could get a good enough of a hold to throw me, trying to pour scalding hot water on my head, fun things like that. She is so unwell, and I feel sorry for her children who couldn't escape her. I was so grateful when she finally left home for the last time and I didn't have to fear for my safety. So, I have two sisters, and no relationship with either. One is the kind of person that is a racist hypocrite who I will never have room for in my life, and the other I am terrified will find me. On social media I'm incognito so she can't find me. I have alrady decided that when my mom dies I won't be going back for the funeral, and any time guilt starts to creep into my decision I remember that K will be there, and no way in hell will I expose myself to the utter fuckery that will ensue when she shows up in all of her glory. But the good news is that I have found my own family. I have my wonderful in-lawas. I have my wonderful friends who are my sisters, my brothers, my brother-seestras, and that is all i need.