The Shoulder Saga

So, a dear friend made some comment about me documenting my rehab on my blog. Or maybe i completely misunderstood her, whatever, here I am.

So for those of you out of the loop, I had surgery in August following a Highland Games shoulder injury I inflicted on myself the week before the Rio Grande Valley Celtic Festival back in May. I knew when I did it I had injured myself, but I figured I would be alright with liberal application of various magic potions and some rest, but after a month or so of the pain and restriction getting worse, I finally figured out I needed a scalpel intervention. 

So...fast forwarding to today...I knew that rehab would be a long process, but I wasn't prepared for the many set backs along the way, nor was a prepared for the constant pain, especially the pain that comes when I lay down to go to sleep, and that dogs me all night long. Just to get you up to speed, I've had constant pain in my shoulders from bursitis and tendonitis for close to 20 years now, so I'm used to pain, however, I am not used to the new and improved pain. With the chronic stuff, I've always been able to find a sleeping position that works for a few hours or so, but with the post-surgery pain I can only find the REALLY PAINFUL, or A LITTLE LESS PAINFUL positions. All this to say that I am feeling pretty run-down, and ill equipped to deal with everyday life stressors these days.

Physical therapy has been another story. The week after surgery, I could fully raise my arm, and I was doing some moderate weight lifting. Since then I have lost some of that range of motion, and was told to not do any weight work as my joint wasn't stable. Certainly, there was a level of truth in that, however it really came down to balance, and I've realized I was listening too much to other people, and not enough to my body. This week I started back to moderate resistance/weight training, I have started using the sling throughout the day to take the tension off my constantly inflamed joint, and I am starting to feel better and stronger. I have PT tomorrow, which will start with a speech from me stating what I know aggravates it, and what helps. Number one, no hand bike until the head of my humerus is stabilized enough that it doesn't pop out of socket with every revolution, and number two, Kinesio my shoulder before we even start this party.

And lastly, the emotional aspect of this little ditty doo. Some time last spring when I recognized how stressed out I was getting at work I did a self-care work sheet. The one thing that kept popping up as a huge self-care item was my participation in the Highland Games. Well, guess what? I will not be picking up a caber any time soon. It has been a huge blow to not be able to do the things I love, and to be recently told by my doc that I might not be throwing for the Worlds Masters competition here in ABQ next May.  For me the games aren't so much about competition as they are a way to reconnect with myself spiritually, mentally, and physically. My world feels very small without my plug-in to the games. Fortunately I still have a connection to my throwing community, and I am able to connect by judging at the competitions, but whenever I walk by a weight I sooo want to pick it up and throw it, which kinda makes me not want to be involved. 

And to wrap this rant up, I do hope that by continuing to check in with what my body has to say, I can rehab my shoulder enough to return to doing the things I love in a timely manner. In the mean time, I have to figure out new ways of self-care (without writing 3 more paragraphs let me just mention that I do have other things on my self-care list, but the majority of them require my shoulder to be in working order) and I guess I haven't taken the time to figure out what those things are because I've been too focused on what I can't do. So here's to figuring out what we CAN do.