rattle, rattle, rattle

Here I am, blogging instead of going to bed/sleep early as I had planned. Oopsie. But perhaps I'll sleep a bit better if there are fewer things rattling around in my head.

Food recovery is going better. I've been off of wheat and sugar for...well, I haven't been keeping track...a couple weeks now I think. And I'm past the obsessing about my food-drugs, although while out shopping today it was very slippery around the cookie and candy aisles! But I made it out safely. I've also lost most of the weight I gained during wheat/dairy/sugar fest in Phoenix, which helps me feel better physically, as well as feel better about myself.

I do continue to struggle with anxiety. I have some ok days, I have some good days, and I have some really awful days. I've been trying different medications over the last month or so, and it's been not so fun. I tried to start a new one last week in hopes that the side effects would be minimal, but I was so doped up I couldn't function the one day I took it, so I stopped...because I don't have the luxury of stopping my life right now. I'm juggling 3 part time jobs, I just started a very intense class, and I'm getting back to the gym AND training for the Phoenix games. There has to be a better way than being doped up, even if doped up means that I don't have to worry about the random bursts of adrenaline that freeze me in place and keep me from completing "simple, day-to-day tasks."

Maybe down the line I can try this stuff again...when I have fewer obligations...fewer things to lose. But right now I can't do it. And maybe the fact that medication no longer seems like the only option means that I'm coping better than I was a few weeks ago. I certainly hope so. 

So, I'll continue to work on staying on the food wagon, and getting my butt to the gym. I need more discipline with time management, because I do get overwhelmed, and when I get overwhelmed I freeze. And freezing sucks. 

Perhaps more on that next time, but for now, I need to sleep...