Today was a good day...

Today was a good day.

Not sure what shifted, but who cares. I don't feel...insane. I've laughed today, I've had fun with friends, and I really didn't have any anxiety. The latter betting f'ing amazing.

I did fall off the wheat-wagon at a St. Patrick's Day party, and although I am sick, I'm not going to kick myself, and guilt myself to death, or get caught up in that all-or-none thinking that "well, I already screwed up, so whats the point? I'll just put both feet in the trough." It really is about living a clean-eating lifestyle. I can have a little bit of crap here and there and not think of it as "failure" any more than I would think of spilling a cup of coffee as failure. I mean really...if i spilled a cup of coffee, I wouldn't then spend the next 3 months intentionally spilling coffee to prove...what? how screwed up I am? How clumsy I am? What a failure I am? 

Nah, I had a brownie, I had a piece of bread. No big deal. Yeah, it made me sick, but the truth is; it was damn nice to not spend my time at the party going "Ugh, I can't eat anything here, woe is me." 

And another thing. It's really nice to go to an alcohol laden event and have people respect that I don't drink, and be supportive of the fact that I don't drink. AND it's nice to be at a primarily straight event and not have to worry about getting looks because I'm holding hands with my wife. Man, that is such an amazing thing. ABQ is pretty dang progressive, but there are still places where for our safety I have to be careful with personal space with my wife, so it is a huge relief to be able to just be, to let the defenses down.

Yeah, today was a good day.