Dad and Love

So I was just skimming through my blog since I've been away for quite some time. Not too far down was a post about my dad (specifically about mineral rights). Anyway, I was just thinking that this last month marked 20 years since he died. And I would say that this has been the easiest anniversary. For whatever reason there has been some healing for me. Over the years the memories of the hard stuff have lessened or simply been put into a perspective that makes them easier. Yes, there is still some pain there-both that he passed and he never got to see me graduate from college; get my black belt; marry my soul-mate, and that we were both too f'ed up in our own special ways to really make the best of the 20 years that we did have together.

There is one specific regret that I've had much therapy on; that being the subject of not telling my father that I loved him. I've heard countless times in therapy that "he knew that you loved him," but I don't know that for sure, and it certainly can't cure the regret that I wasn't able to 'cowboy up' and say to my father, "I love you." So, instead, I try to tell everyone who can take it that I love them. (If you're listening Rosa-I love you-so deal with it)So perhaps that is the answer to easing of the pain of loss...appreciating the people in my life now, and letting them know that they are appreciated.