"Speaking of Narcissism, more about me" (Counselor Burn Out)

That is a line I used yesterday in supervision, as I've been taking a lot of time to discuss my struggles with my career. I was talking about how numb I have become to peoples' stories, and my concerns about how much longer I can continue my work before I become ineffective at what I do. I talked about needing to put energy into figuring out what 'plan B' is going to be, but it is obvious that plan B needs to be put into place now-so I dang well better figure out what it is, and quick.

So back to the question of who am I and what do I want to be. As I touched on yesterday, I got a big kick in the ass yesterday...I've been ambivalent about what to do about my position as a motorcycle safety trainer. It is something I LOVE to do, however it is also something that is very wearing for me due to some health issues. My certification was in danger of being dropped due to missing a training, and I was in the process of working with the director to figure it out, but then yesterday he sent me an email pointing out some of the issues I have struggled with. I realized then that is was time to let go, and this morning it really became 'real' for me. This morning I wrote him back, and here is a little snip:

It is a hard chapter to close for me because being able to be a part of so many peoples' lives as they begin their journey into the world of motorcycling has been an honor and a privilege. I grieve the loss of such an important part of who I've been for these last 8 years, but I will be taking with many fond memories and experiences...I only hope I can find the same passion and love for the endeavors I undertake in the future.

As I wrote those words I cried. As I re-read them again, I cry. I loved what I did, and this job helped me to realize how much I love teaching...and that it is something that I am really good at. I will not cry when I let go of being a counselor...I guess that gives me a little clearer sense of what plan B will look like.