going hunting

Sometimes life just feels weird. And this is one of those times. Like when you hear a certain music on a tv show and you know you should probably look away. That music is playing reaaal loud right now, but I really can't afford to look away. I've spent too much of my life looking away. I can't live that way anymore...life is too dang short to continue not looking the moment straight in the eyes.

Why is that such a difficult lesson? That be in the moment crap? Oh, I know all the amygdala this and that, and cortisol this and that, but I want to know why the heart and the spirit can't be healed as easily as it can be broken? Why the hell, when I am at where I am at in my life, does conflict and confrontation feel so f'ing terrifying? Why do I still lie awake at night for hours for days on end because I'm worried I said the "wrong" thing? Why can't I be the person who says, "I don't give crap what other people think"?

I'm told that astrologically, things are jacked up right now. That the whole world is funky, and to hunker in. I'm still not sure how much faith I have in that kind of thing, but yeah, it feels funky as hell and I wish I could just hide in my little badger hole and wait for "it" to pass...but I know that hiding in my hole doesn't make things go away...if anything there are just bigger piles of "it" waiting for me. So, no hiding. Time to put on my badger pelt and go hunting.