In addition to all the usual stressors, the friend I'm staying with discussed going to a friends high school reunion in order to "support" them. This friend is a part of the LGBT community, and my little 5' 2" friend thought that she could accompany her friend as a "protector", even though she might be mistaken as a "partner" as they headed to the backwoods of the US. My reaction was to get angry with her and tell her that she couldn't go, as if I could make her do anything (she's old enough to be my mother, and even more stubborn than I am). Once I calmed myself down, and thought about what my fears were, I was able to share them with her...and I was also punched in the gut by the truth of what it is that we (LGBT) have to deal with every day. And it isn't something that is completely unique to us, people of color deal with the same types of crap...
My fear for her was that as she traveled with her friend and was assumed to be a sexual partner, and not just a friend, that she would become a target. As LGBT folk, we have dealt with rejection, discrimination, threats of violence, and sometimes actual violence, which has helped us develop a radar. We know when we have to get leave a place, or not hold hand; stand to close; or touch our partner, or not speak too loud. We know when we need to posture, or when to make ourselves small...it's a radar that my friend doesn't have. I also didn't want her to have to have the experience of some jack-ass jumping in front of her and grabbing his crotch, leering, yelling at her that he was going to show her what a "real man" was like. (Sadly, this latter is an experience that most women in some fashion have experienced...it's just been my experience that when I'm recognized as a lesbian, that there is much more...violence/anger behind it) I don't want anyone to have that experience, especially not anyone I love. But the truth is that most of my Family has at some period experienced that dangers of being who we are. And it made me damn sad to realize that it's so "normal" for us all, that I didn't even realize it was there until I felt I had to protect my friend from it.
I've said it previously, I'll say it again: things are better. Things are a helluva lot better. But Orlando was a reminder that we still aren't safe. The prayers for our deaths by "god fearing christians" let us know that we're not safe. The continued violence that never makes the news because it was one of us...it tells us that we are not important enough to be protected. When people can openly discriminate against a group, or talk about our inherent sin/evil/general awfulness...it sends a message to the folks who maybe aren't operating with all of their faculties that we are less than human, that it is okay to hurt us (they will be supported and applauded for doing so), that we deserve to be hurt/killed/punished, and we become societies scapegoats.
In 2008 I did a presentation on the issues that the LGBT community faces. Here's one little section of stats:
•
Gay & Bi Men report adulthood sexual assault at rate of
11.6% & 13.2%, as compared Straight Men at 1.6%
•
Lesbian & Bi Women report adulthood sexual assault
rates of 15.5% & 17%, as compared to 7.5% of Straight Women
The kicker...it's not just the women who are being assaulted by straight men, it's the gay men who are being assaulted primarily by "straight" men. Wrap your head around that. Now wrap your head around how it is as a society we condone, or at the very least "look away from" violence, or discrimination against any group whether it's women, homeless, mentally ill, Native American, LGBT...if we don't feel just as horrified about the ill treatment of any of those groups as we do a rich movie star we've never met, or a white senator, a businessman, or whoever...what does that say about us a humans? I don't know, but I know we can do better. May I be the Light...
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