Ma

Eight years ago I was dating this woman whose mom was diagnosed with cancer. She and her mother had this rare (at least in my experience) relationship where they talked about everything. She could even (gasp!) talk to her mother about her relationship problems...and triumphs. So when her mother was diagnosed, it was quite devastating for her because her mother was her closest confidant.

At the time, my mother was still in her "you're just going through a phase, you'll find the right man someday" phase. I couldn't talk to her about my relationships with my girlfriends, or really about anything of emotional weight. What was going on with Jan gave me the courage to write my mother a letter to tell her how hurtful it was to me that I couldn't share this part (being in relationships with women) of my life with her. I also wrote to her about how devastating it was for me when we were foreclosed on, and how I'd never really found my footing after we lost the ranch...and was never given a chance to talk about it(because she was always so "frail" of mental health, and couldn't deal with anyone elses's issues...although I didn't mention that part).

This is a snippet of the letter she wrote back (which I keep with my Alter):

"I sure appreciated your letter honey, it meant so much to me. I love you deeply no matter what life style we live. I know my life style has been a bummer. I hope yours treats you better than mine did.

And yes, the whole family misses the ranch and wanted a long life there. I know it sure threw me for a loop when the foreclosure came and I saw my life being auctioned off because of a damn bottle of booze..."

That is the most emotional moment my mother and I have ever shared, and I am very grateful for it. Besides that letter, these days my mother never fails to ask me about my current g.f. when I have one, or ask about one of my ex's she still likes. In addition, my mother has seen nearly every movie out about gay people, and never fails to inform me when she meets a new gay person in Dickinson. I think she is the unofficial PFLAG in town.