And I'm not going to lie, I was worried that not many folks were going to show up- I'd had several folks text me to tell me they weren't going to make it, so I was prepared for a light showing. But instead I had a room full of support, and a room full of love (I wish I would have gotten a photo with my whole crowd!). I was humbled by how many people showed up to support me that night.
The morning after I was exchanging Marco Polos with a friend who had been out of town that weekend, and started to tell her about the contrast of that night in comparison to the opening for my senior show for my BA. And, granted I have very different relationships with people than I did back then, but I sent out a lot of post cards for that show. And still there weren't a lot of folks who showed up...including on that list of not showing up was my mother. But what broke me when I was talking about the night of my senior show was who did show up.
My neighbor Sally. My disabled, in a wheel chair, elderly neighbor had her son pack her up in the truck, drive the 80 miles into town, at night, in a snow storm to be there for me for the opening of my senior show. And unlike so many, she didn't ask me why I didn't paint "pictures of buffalo, or the badlands", or tell me, "uh, that's, uh...interesting." Instead she told me how talented I was, and how proud she was of me.
And as I look back over the important milestones in my life, there were 2 people who were showing up for me. Whether graduations, art shows, kick boxing matches- my brother Gary and my sister-in-law Michelle were there. And they have never missed a birthday.
It's way too easy for me to remember the times people didn't show up for me, and when I do that the narrative in my head tips in the directions of thinking that I don't deserve to have people show up for me. That I'm not worthy. And certainly that I don't have enough value (or talent) to have people show up for me. Not to mention, I am dismissing the gift of the people who DO show up for me.
***
I didn't win any awards at the recent show, but the indignation of my friends was worth more than any of their awards. I know my work isn't the kind of art most people are going to want to put on their walls. My work makes the viewer uncomfortable, it challenges the viewer. I do not make pretty pictures. That is not my gift to the world. And the people who showed up for me were able to appreciate the art that I bring into the world.
And for that, I am very grateful.
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