Presently behind

Where does all the time go? I just started a new term, and already I seem to be behind in my homework, and behind in my social life. The end is in sight for graduation, but I find that I am quickly loosing motivation. Well, in the case of classes that I don't like. Research and Eval would be the class I am thinking of. It is a dry class with a dry text book, and an incredible amount of outside work. I guess that is what is getting me; that sense of overwhelm. Which, if I were Present, wouldn't be such an issue. I guess I'll just keep working on it...

Thoughts on cold and learning

I was off from doing internship this week as I was teaching a morning motorcycle class. You really get a sense of the weather change when you are unloading a storage locker full of motorcycles at 7:30 am. I'm not sure what the temp was when I got out there, but considering that I had to scrape the windshield on my van, and that now at 3 pm, the temp is still in the 50's, I am going to have to say that it was damn cold!

A couple years ago, I was teaching a bunch of am classes in January and February, and it was a particularly cold winter. My toes and fingers would be numb and/or painful until about 11 am. During the classes while I was freezing my various body parts, it made me wonder how much my students could really learn when they were freezing their butts off. Learning is such an individual process; we all learn in different ways, we need different input/stimuli etc, but when we add in these adverse conditions, aren't we really doing a long-term disservice to our students? But who am I to ask? Just a mere lackey!

jemez 008

Completely unrelated text: I figured out the rest of my schedule with Dr Herman earlier this week. I had been thinking that I had at least a year and a half left of school, but as it turns out, I should be done in exactly one year (assuming I can complete my internship in one term), so WOO HOOO!

Jemez 023

I was just going through my camera and noticed that there were a number of photos that I really liked, and this is one of them.

the fear of rejection

So this year, Self Serve's Pornotopia is going to also have an 'erotic' art show attached to it. I wasn't planning on entering it, but the ladies encouraged me to enter some art work, so I dug through the piles to find something suitable. I found a couples pieces to submit for consideration, and then it came; the fear of rejection. I have been out of the art world for mannnnnny years, and two things have happened in those intervening years: 1. I'm simply not as skilled at making art (I'm not being hard on myself, I am simply out of practice and it shows), 2. I'm no longer defended against the particular form of rejection that comes from submitting art work, and having it not accepted. I don't mind not having my pieces accepted, but it's hard to navigate those automatic feelings of worthlessness that like to pop up unbidden. On the good side, if I do get rejected, I don't have to come up with anything intelligent to say about my pieces.

Carols

Oh so many things on my mind. Where to start. Carol. I have a couple Carols in my life, I love them both. Have you ever noticed that sometimes people with the same name, have very similar characteristics, or perhaps, you just have similar reactions to these people with the same name. For example, I can scarcely think of a "Brad" that I don't have a dislike for, there are a few, but most; uh-uh.

Then we have the Carols. Yesterday, I had a nice encounter with both of my Carols. Carol J nearly made herself throw-up she laughed so hard at our bantering, which started with her teasing Chris that she and I had moved in a week after knowing each other (hey, it was almost 2 months). I then informed her that C and I were going to get each others' names tattooed on our wedding ring fingers. I think that was what sent her over the edge, or perhaps it was when I said, "On our one year anniversary we are going to get each others names tattooed on our necks." (It may have been the dead-pan delivery which may have made her question whether or not I was serious...)

Carol S I ran into at a metaphysical bookstore. I thought she had a soar throat, but it was Yom Kippor; color me ignorant. We didn't get to talk much with her not being able to speak, but I always get a warm and wonderful greeting from Carol S, so it was quite wonderful to run into her.

Which led into another thought...when I was single and decided I would start dating again, I was trying to think of what kind of woman I wanted to date. In trying to figure this out, I thought about all of the women that I really liked, and what it was that they had in common. They were all quite different in characteristics, but they were all very open hearted women, and the common denominator was that they were all Jewish, so logically, I decided I needed to find a good Jewish girl. My Jewish mother, Diane, went to work on finding me a nice girl, but was finding that they were all taken. Fortunately, another friend, (OMG! Who also happens to be Jewish) introduced me to Chris, who although not Jewish happens to share a similar spirtiual path to mine (The Holy Church of Jespah and Chicks who Kick Ass). So, all is right with the world.

Give us whiskey, screw the wine, we're the class of 89

This coming year will be my 20th High School Reunion. My how time flies. I wasn't really all that close to my classmates, but there is this curiosity that makes me kinda-sorta want to go back and see what folks are up to...and a part of me that would like to let those folks know what I've been up to.

There was a time when I had this fantasy of going back to say to people, "That's 'Dr. Robinson'!", but I've gotten over it. I am a different person now, and I would hope that the people I went to high school are different as well. So, anyway, I don't really have a whole lot of desire to drive 900 miles for the sake of curiosity...and I did promise myself that the next time I left the state it would be for a real vacation, and sorry, going to ND does not count as a vacation.

Sunday afternoon

Today I spent a lot of time on the couch convalescing from a virus. Part of my convalescing involved watching a great deal of television, including watching a marathon of LA Ink. The problem with watching LA Ink is that it always a) makes me want to tattoo again, and b) go to LA and get a tattoo from Hannah. And here is the next one (left calf) (right after I win the lottery)...

Before and After?

There is some wonderful joke here, I just haven't come up with it yet. Maybe there doesn't need to be one.

To the right, you see my fabulous GF at the Arizona Honor Debut. Yes, my girl is a debutant! She had to curtsy to Mayor McCain. There is yet another joke there: I will leave that to you...Maybe it has something to do with McCain turning refined young women into big ol dykes. That right there should disqualify him from running for president.

More from the Jemez trip

I like these photos, so I decided to post them as they represent a moment of time where both Chris and I left the cares of our life behind, and were able to be Mindful. Mindfulness is my latest kick. If we cannot find happiness in the present, we will not find it anywhere. This is my reminder...by remembering how peaceful I felt here, I can reclaim that same peace in the present.

in response to the last blog...

My friend Lydia (who, as it turns out, I was just talking about to Chris as we perused the aisles at Cost-Plus) sent me this via email.

Hi Lu!
I don't have a blogger account and so can't comment on your blog, but
this is what I wrote and tried to send:
You began blogging because you wanted to learn to speak up about what
was going on in your life. You wanted to throw out your ideas to the
world and notice that neither the world nor you will fall apart as a
result of saying what is on your mind. ... and of course, as Jeremy
points out, you might also write something that other people want to read.
So are you now confident that you can speak up about who you are and
what you think at any time? If so, blogging has done the first job you
asked it to do.
Is it narcissistic? A bit. Does that matter? Not at all. If you were
forcing us to read your texts, that would be one thing. But all you do
is put it out there. If we want to catch it and read it, then it's all
good for us.
So stop or continue as you like, but don't stop because you think there
is something wrong with blogging.
Lydia

So, thank you to Jeremy and Lydia. Hmm, both of you have a "y" in your name. I'm sure that has some sort of signifigance. Or perhaps I just need another chocolate chip cookie. ...and that is what happens when you write what you are thinking.

Focus. Has blogging done the job? It has gotten me on the path, but there is much work to be done, so I will write on!!!