The Spark

Last weekend i was able to stick around for an or so of highland games practice. I was able to do hammers (light), weight for distance (light), and stones. Hammer is the second scariest thing to me as a potential shoulder-re-injury activity, however; oddly enough, i had my second best throw of all time with my second toss of the 12# hammer. That gave me hope...hope of getting back to "normal", hope of competing, hope of being/feeling strong again.

Fear kicked in again after practice: "Will I be able to move tomorrow?", "Did I injure myself without realizing it?", "Will I have f'ed myself up for the next 3 weeks?" Alas, none of the above. Granted it hurt to laugh, or cough for a few days just from using muscles that haven't been used in many months, but I feel good. I had PT today and she was happy with my progress, enough so that we are going to start focusing more on core strengthening to help stabilize both shoulders and my funky hip rather than specifically the shoulder.

The last hurdle will be weight over bar, which was how the final injury which resulted in surgery happened. I know I'm not up for that one yet, and won't be for a while. We discussed band work, and kettle bell work that will happen in stages to develop the strength and stability to be able to do that one without further injury. 

So, to some things up, especially the things that haven't left my head yet; I am feeling pretty good about my prognosis. Reality is that I will be prone to re-injury so I will have to stay on top of training, regardless of whether or not I continue to throw, which quite frankly is a good motivator to stay in shape for the 2nd half of my life. In some ways, I think I'll be able to come back to training a better athlete as I won't be constantly plagued by and worried about minor injuries which will leave me more energy to focus on form and to be in the moment of my movement, and to be present in my body in a way that I haven't been...ever. 

This whole adventure isn't just about throwing heavy shit, it's about my own sense of pride, accomplishment, INNER strength. For whatever weird reason throwing has allowed me to access a part of my self that was buried under a mountain of rubble...a spontaneous, confident self that isn't constantly telling me that I need to be quiet and invisible. At the Santa Fe games a few years back when I spoke to Chuck about joining this motley crew, he had me talk to Patty R who told me that doing this had made her stronger, not just physically, but as a person I saw a spark in her eyes, a fire from deep within her core that I knew I wanted to be able to access as well...and by goddess, I have!