Tuesday, May 12, 2020

May the Dolores be with You.

"It's just or lot in life to suffer." Now, if you're thinking that is the line from everyone's favorite effeminate, golden droid you're close. Actually C-3PO's  line of hysterics after he and A2 crash landed went, "We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."  The first one came from my mother after I followed the advice of a friend and tried reflecting her negativity back to her in an attempt to snap her out of it (I rolled a Nat 1 on that saving throw).

My mother has the incredible super power to see the negative in everything, and the power to turn rainbows into her personal suffering. And I get it; she had a really crappy childhood...unfortunately when she has been presented with opportunities to try something a little different, a little less sufferey, she turns her nose up, and exclaims "Yucky!" just the same way she does with vegetables (even the peas and carrots that come in fried rice).

I wish I could say that I am immune, or that I had therapied that shit out of myself, but that would be a firm negatory. I'm aware, I put in the effort, and some times I'm fairly successful, and sometimes I fall face first into the cow shit. The good news is that I see it for what it is in both my mother and myself, so I haven't got any unrealistic expectations for my mother, and I have lots of self-improvement goals for myself.

Suffering is not our lot in life. Negativity is not our lot is life. We can make those choices to jump in the trough with both feet and wallow in that stuff, but that's not what I want for me, or the people I love. Negativity is a bit of a default setting for me, but I know where the dial is, and although it gets a little rusty, and sticky I can adjust that knob. And I've got a hammer, and some pliers to work with when it gets tricky...not to mention some folks who are willing to help me when I kneed another set of eyes for hands.


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